I sometime experience very strange and interesting situations. I have had many psychic experiences and many situations leading me to feel there really is such a thing as, destiny in my life. Some people have more effect on me than others.

One of the people who affected me was a young girl named, Janie Grant. That was her stage name during her music recording career in the early 1960's. One of her songs, "Triangle" tugged on my soul in 1961 when I was eleven years old.

The story of how that song played out in my life is below. I wrote the original message below on September 9, 2001 on one of my old web sites. It was around that time that I had a culminating realization of where I came from, where I was, and where I was going for my remaining time in life. Portions of it are edited to fit better and make it more readable. The essential message remains unchanged...

On December 6, 2001, Ronnie Allen, broadcast a live interview with Janie Grant and her producer, Gerry Granahan from the WBCB 1490 AM, Bucks County, PA studio. It was Janie Grant's first interview in 38 years! I called in to the live show and spoke with Ronnie, Janie, and Gerry.

Update: June 14, 2005: You can hear that radio show broadcast on my Digital Passages PodCast site here.

I hear from Ronnie and Janie on a regular basis nowadays. What a wonderful time we're having. I hope to meet them in-person this coming Memorial Day time-frame. :-)

Update: -- 09/06/2002. Janie Grant sent me an image today of herself when she was 18 years old. Janie gave me her permission to reconstitute it within a 3D art creation of mine and publish it. Further down the page is that graphic image I created today upon this page's restoration to this site.

Don

A Year of Circles and Triangles -- 09/09/2001

There are many ways to mark the passage of a year. The calendar indicates the twelve unequal segments of that period and depending on where one lives, nature's seasons help us measure the duration.

My last year has primarily been measured in emotions. I have felt so bad at times I wondered if I could go on. I felt really elated at times and glad I was alive. In the interim I learned a lot about myself. A number of people helped me through and many of them I did not know at this time last year.

What started out as a general feeling of, "What am I doing with my life?", melancholy soon escalated to deeper, more insidious feelings of doubt, anxiety, and loss of identity. The 45th anniversary of the passing of my father pushed me down for a while; until that anniversary passed. Guilt I retained concerning the VietNam War finally was expressed privately to a number of friends last January. Their words assured me that whatever I felt about, "The War" was okay. The War ended in my mind, heart, and soul soon after. Understanding how and why I failed during my first year of college allowed me to move on past that sad experience. I always wondered why I have a "straight A" average since then. Now I know why.

The biggest impact on my life in the last year started with an email I received on September 11, 2000. Here it is below with specific information changed to protect identities.

This is too weird. Came upon your high school paper. Karen ** is my cousin. I have been searching for her for years. Her father died in the Korean War - my uncle Bob. Please contact me as soon as possible. Another amazing thing - I also am a good friend of Jack **, Fred **'s brother. You mention Karen and Fred in the same sentence!!!!! I can't believe it. Could they have known each other?

Please e-mail me as soon as possible. Thank you so much.

In and of itself, that message is innocent and I treated it that way. I responded to the sender and waited. After waiting a month I wrote back asking if they got my initial response and if, indeed, they would like further discussion. I had no way of knowing the powerful underlying feelings that would soon be painfully exposed with the conjunction of: thoughts about my life's goals; my father's death anniversary; college regrets; the War; and then, the surfacing of old feelings regarding someone I once knew and once loved.

During this past year, I often spoke with people about what was disturbing me as I hashed through the "Cloud" that hung over me. I spent whatever time was needed to relive and re-experience every aspect of that cloud. I found the person asked about in the email. I communicated with her and discovered in late June that she doesn't remember me due to an auto accident in 1979. A fitting finale in retrospect, The Hand of God at work.

I now can accept all the revelations of the cloud. I made it through the rain and I'm still standing. I'm not the same; I'll never be the same again. It is not good or bad that I'm not the same; it's life.

Many good things happened in this last year too. I met a number of new people and some of them online. The InfoNode, on a small scale became a conduit of humanity. I reached out to the world and people reached out to me. There are stories on the InfoNode whose momentum is still ongoing. One of my long-time friends is back with someone after 29 years of being apart. Someone who was once a stranger to me found someone special and reconciled a childhood romance after 35 years. I wrote about my bike shop recollections and the family of the bike shop owner responded to me.

Then there is the following piece that sort of sums up life to me. This story started when I was eleven years old although I had no idea then it would come to be explained in this way.

In 1961, I heard a song and it touched my soul. At the time I did not know the name of the song or who made it. I believe it made it to the top 30 of the charts at the time so many people had forgotten it over the years. The name of the song is, "Triangle", by Janie Grant.

Around 1964 was the last time I heard that song on the radio. I used to sing it to myself every now and then and still do. During the time when I was in love for the first time (1968-69), I used to think of that song when certain events seemed like I was living the song. Strange how a song can invade one's heart with the degree of registration surmounting to reality.

Through the years this song haunted me and it was not until the Internet and Napster that I found out the actual name of the song and the artist that made it. I wrote about that experience. Now all may seem complete with regard to that aspect of the story, but it is only a partial beginning.

I thought I was the only fan of that song. I mean I could find no one else who recalled hearing it. The song meant a lot to me and I thought I understood my connection with it. I was way off base.

In February 2001, I received an email from Janie Grant after she found the mention of her on my site. We exchanged a few messages and then fell out of touch.

A couple weeks ago I received an email from Ronnie Allen who was also a big fan of Janie Grant and especially the song, "Triangle". Ronnie has since sent me numerous and long messages and it reminded me, in style, of some of my public and private writings concerning the "Cloud". So once again I am involved in some small way of promoting an interface between other human beings. This time it's with a whole new perspective! ;-)

Ronnie was able through me, to contact Janie Grant. He even spoke with her by telephone! Ronnie and is so overjoyed that he called me last week and we spoke for about an hour. He did most of the talking which is a rare event in conversations I'm a part of. :-)

Janie Grant responded to Ronnie and she allowed her letter to be forwarded to me as well. I read her letter and realized she has her own story to tell. I wrote her and asked if she would give me permission to post it here on the InfoNode. She agreed as long as I withhold her email address. So it is published below in its entirety.

Ronnie

Well I'm sitting here completely flabbergasted at your letter. It's certainly made my day. The only people who call me Janie are the members of the dinner dance band that I sang with for 22 years (from 1972-1994). I've just recently gone back to my maiden name, which is Casilli. I had been married for 24 years and then divorced in 1990. I went back to my maiden name this February. I waited until my daughter, Louise, was married last year before changing it. She is the Louise Trezza that sent you my e-mail address.

To answer some of your questions, you were right about most of your facts about me. Gerry Granahan "discovered" me. A boy I knew in high school introduced me to him. I still don't know how they knew each other. The night I recorded Triangle they named me Janie Grant. And, yes, it was Gerry Granahan who picked the name although I don't remember why. In all honesty, I never liked the name. Just for the heck of it, I'm going to try and name all the records I made:

• Triangle/She's Going Steady withYou
• Romeo/Roller Coaster
• Unhappy Birthday/I Wonder Who's Kissing You Now
• Oh Johnny/Oh My Love
• That Greasy Kid Stuff/Two is Company, Three's a Crowd
• Priceless Possession/That Kind of Boy?
• There Ain't No Party Tonight/???
• Whose Heart Are You Breaking Now/Tell Me Mama
• Ribbons and Roses/Too Young for Me
• My Heart, Your Heart/And That Reminds Me

Although I loved singing I really wanted a "normal" life. In 1965 I met my husband-to-be and didn't want to sing anymore. We were married in 1966 I had my son in 1968 and my daughter in 1970. I grew up in Little Falls and lived most of my married life in Little Falls (where my Mom and Dad and Brother all lived). With my husband's urging I started singing again in 1972 in a night club band called Monaco. Our band started to "take off" and I had my two children on the road with me. That only lasted 3 months and then my husband said he didn't realize how singing would affect our lives and so he told me to stop singing or he would take the children and I would never see any of them again. And so I stopped. I should backtrack a little. During the time I was rehearsing with the night club band our agent got a call that they needed a girl singer for 2 weddings (an afternoon and night at the Colonial Manor in Old Tappan, NJ). He asked me if I would do him a favor and do the jobs. I did and met a man called John Cadamatre who had a band called "The Gentlemen". We went over so big that he asked me if I wanted to sing with him permanently but I told him that I was in a night club band. I took his card though.

Well anyway, when the nightclub thing didn't work out my husband told me to call John and sing in the wedding circuit because I would only have to do that on the weekends and wouldn't be traveling. So I gave him a call and we linked up and had an extremely successful career together. The name of the group was changed to "The Gentlemen Plus" and we played all over the tri-state area. We started out as 4 pieces, keyboard, drums, sax and me. John had a daughter named Cathy and when we'd rehearse she would play bass guitar with us. She was only 16 but she was fantastic so I told John to put her on the jobs with us. We then added a trumpet and remained a 6 piece band until we quit playing in 1994. I think this was the happiest I ever was singing. We were innovators for our time. We were very rehearsed and having a 6 piece band with 2 girls was unheard of. Cathy was shy but I found out that she had a good voice and weaned her into singing with me. Ironically it was Cathy who got Lupus Disease in 1994 and couldn't play anymore. We decided to quit for a while but Cathy never got better and then our drummer got cancer and we decided that was it.

I didn't start working in the "real world" until 1983. I worked in a mortgage company and became the manager by 1987 but my husband didn't like a wife who had a career and so I left there and became a secretary close to home. We bought our 3rd house in June of 1986 and moved to Bloomingdale. My marriage ended in December of 1988 (very suddenly) and I was glad that I had a job (and was still singing) so I was able to support myself. During my separation I met Tom (my significant other). We have been together for 12 years now but I'm still not ready to get married again!

That's pretty much it. I do miss singing but my Italian heritage and my love of food has caught up with me and, although my voice is still there, so are the pounds that I've packed on since 1994.

Through the power of the internet, I've recently learned that my last record, "My Heart, Your Heart" was a massive hit in the UK in the mid 70's. I recorded that song for Parkway Cameo in 1966. It was my last record. I never got a penny and wouldn't know who to look for to find out why?

If you go on Yahoo and type Janie Grant some of the UK websites come up with My Heart, Your Heart.

Well, I really must go to work now. Again, you have made my day by remembering me. Guess what, I may be working in Piscataway too! Our company was just sold and our office in Paramus will probably be closed. I have the opportunity to work at our Piscataway office but am not sure I want to make that 50 mile trip each day. I currently live in Bloomingdale, NJ.

You may contact me any time you wish and you can share whatever you want with Don. Have a great day and a good weekend.

Janie Grant

Here is the letter I wrote to Janie Grant, asking for permission to publish her letter.

Dear Janie,

I just finished reading the letter you wrote to Ronnie. I am proud of your achievements in life, in music and other matters.

I want you to know that your song, "Triangle", kept me going at times when I was really down. That's why I looked for the song and made my posting last year. When you responded last February, I felt it was special because it came during the height of my own mid-life crisis.

I think you have an important story to tell. Maybe you never thought about writing, but you seem to strike a chord with your words of your life.

I would like to post your story that you sent to Ronnie on my InfoNode web site. It will be done respectfully and with good taste. I think what you said will be helpful to a lot of folks that are in our 50's these days.

Please let me know your thoughts.

Sincere and warmest regards,

Don Larson, a grateful fan since 1961.

Here is the letter from Janie granting me permission to publish her letter.

You're welcome to put my letter on your website but not my e-mail address please. I also read over my letter and would like to clarify one thing I had mentioned. I love my "significant other", Tom. He has been wonderful to me and it is through no fault of his that we are not married. We live together and are very happy. I went through a terrible divorce which left me in severe emotional turmoil. I needed to learn how to be me and stand on my own two feet. I guess I'm still learning. I lost my sense of "trust" after the divorce and I have always felt that it wouldn't be fair to marry someone unless I could give them 100% of myself. I am working at it!

I guess all of us go through many trials and tribulations in our lives. I hope your crisis is now behind you. Life is not easy. I don't take to change very well myself (but I am learning). Many people think entertainers are very extroverted, happy-go-lucky self confident people. I have a feeling that the opposite may be true. I myself have suffered serious bouts with depression but I am one of the lucky ones. I have survived and live a "normal" life but I don't take my life for granted. I have also learned that there is much more to me than just the ability to sing. I try not to concentrate on myself but on the others in my life. I was surprised to learn that Linda Scott is another person who prefers to remain anonymous. Being in the same record company as she was we got to travel together. I wondered why I never saw her on any "Oldies Revival Shows".

Well I'd better get to work. I hope you have a great day.

Sincerely,

Janie Grant

There is meaning to me in all this. What started as a song by 16 year-old Janie Grant in 1961 has swung around full circle with insights, motivations, and parallels to me and perhaps others too. For several decades I never quite understood why I liked, "Triangle" so much; why it effected me and how it related to me at different times over the past 40 years. Now after this last year of my life, it makes perfect sense to me. I was supposed to do everything in my life I have done: all the good things; the bad things; the mistakes; the losses; the gains. Everything brought me to who I am today -- a person just starting out -- fresh.

Thanks to Ronnie, Janie, and all the others for helping me understand my last year and the part I play as one-six-billionth of the world's population. Thanks to all who have touched my life, past and present, regardless of the impact or result.

I'm a person who believed in the power of circles. It isn't easy to turn the corner after this last year, so I've come to also believe in the power of triangles and other shapes as well. May the power of life's geometry be yours to explore, enjoy, and share.

Update: September 2005: In celebration of Janie's birthday, I created this mp3 song for her.

Don